Once you choose hope, anything's possible.

Things have still been kinda rough, but it's ok they're looking up. I've started running lately, and it really seems to help me with my stress. I told my dad about it on Sunday, and he suggested that i try and build up to run a 5k and 10k this summer. I liked the idea, but what i didn't like was the fact that I've been running for about three weeks and he had no idea. I shouldn't have to tell him about that stuff.

Today, it rained so hard. This morning i had to get up at 4:50 so I could feed the horses, because we had a professional hauler coming to take my horse away. I'm sad that he left, but i'm glad he's going to a good home. This after noon, me and my boyfriend were out feeding and i was enjoying the rain. He HATES it and always stays in the barn, even though i beg him to come out and enjoy it with me. Well, after seeing the gutters in the barn over flowing, he decided that he was going to clean out the gutters. I was really disappointed that I always ask him to play in the rain with me and he never will, but when he wants to, it's fine for him to be soaking wet. It also really embarrasses me that i don't have a dad to clean the gutters out and that I have to ask for help, all because my dad left us. It hurts my pride.

I'm sure tomorrow will be better, I'm planning on going running after school and baking my mom a cake. I thought I had more to write about, but I can't remember what it was now...

Rough Times

Its been a long ten days since i posted last time. Some things that happened:

My dad has come back to "do some things around the house," but really he's just making things worse. Why, you might ask, would a man who left his wife, kids, dogs, and farm want to come back just to visit when he can leave us all behind no problem?? Who knows.

On Sunday, I made my mom and my boyfriend's mom banana pudding. Then me and brad set out to clean the boat. It got left uncovered for like a month into the winter before we put the tarp on it. Lets just say, it was alot of Brad yelling at me (like it was my fault) and taking out his frustration on me. but on the other hand, it was nice to see him care so much about something. I asked him why he was like that and he said "I always hear your mom talk about how much she loves the boat and it made me mad to see if ruined like that." He also had the never to say "Well i was kinda pissed because my parents had to work hard to finance a nice boat and yall have a super nice boat and are letting it rot." Yeah i was kinda upset. He made me feel really bad.

THEN, yesterday I had planned a really cool surprise for Brad and I wrote him a note saying I was going to blindfold him and take him somewhere really cool. Well he called and said he wanted to bring his four wheeler over isntead :( yeah I was kinda upset because i had planned the surprise for soo long, but I said ok. Before we went out, we went to the dump, pumped the boat tires up, fed the horses and dogs, and took care of everything. Well THEN, when he went home, his mom had read my note and accused me of things that were not good and said that he was bringing the four wheeler over to my house because i wanted to blind fold. So i had to tell him what the surprise was, that i was going to take him to the lake and I had packed a picnic. It really sucked and it made it where i don't want to go over to his house because how can she even say that stuff about me???

It's not been a good week :( but Friday is almost here, and hopefully, it can only get better.

You are one of the best things that's ever happened to me. You're my love and my best friend.

Every girl dreams of that "perfect" boy that is going to make them happy forever. I'm here to tell you, that never happens. But we try our best, and come as close as possible. :) I've never been one of those girls who got along with everyone and always had a super awesome best friend. I always wanted one person to be my best friend, but i'm kinda hard to get along with, and I guess i drove everyone away.

Now my boyfriend is the best. I mean, we're great together (not saying that we don't have our problems,) but he really has stolen my heart. Let's not tell him that :) but, even though i never wanted a really committed relationship, I wouldn't change anything, because I want to be with him for a very long time. It took me until yesterday, almost 17 months of dating, to realize that not only is my boyfriend a wonderful boyfriend, he's also the best friend i've ever had.

He's the boy who makes me feel good and safe, but he's also the one who keeps me honest and will tell me the truth when I need it. He won't take crap from me, but when I need someone to rant to and get mad at (hehe) he never holds it against me. Why is it that I can't get a girl best friend to be a friend instead of making my boyfriend do both? Probably because I'm so darn hard to get a long with, but I know that I'm extremely lucky to have him and I wouldn't change it for anything. :)

It is impossible to love and be wise

I'm sittin on my bed with Lexi, my cat, and my sister came in and tried to steal her! What a loser -.- I'm sure i'm going to regret the decision to take her at like 3:00 when she wakes up and goes crazy. My dad is super smart, because he knows i dont want to go see his new apartment, so he asked me if me and brad wanted to go see it and sit by the pool. Is that not just evil? He's trying to make it where it won't be so bad (with my boyfriend and a pool,) but it's going to be bad either way. And my sister thinks she can tell me that I'm going anyways??
I don't think so.

My best friend emailed me back. She said that I was the one who changed, and that she didn't really think it was a big deal. Well it was a big deal, and I wont forget it, even if we make up. Did i mention my sister nicknamed me 'Queen B*tch'? Yeah, haha it kinda fits! I got my point across with my friend, so I hope she understands, and if she doesn't, I guess its another friendship out the door.

I've kinda been freaking out lately, most likely due to PMS and stress, but I feel bad for my boyfriend, Brad, because he's the one who has to deal with it. I love him very much :)

What happened to the happy family?

I think i'm going to talk about alot of things in this post. Its funny because i dont have any followers but it's cool anyways.

So things aren't very good at home right now; my dad has officially moved out and no one knows where that leaves us. He has left our farm and animals and pets to go live in an apartment, but the one he picked has a pool and is near my show barn. Bribes?? I dont think they will work.

Because of this, I decided to not be home at all the past two days. This leads to why i no longer have a best friend and why i was out until past midnight (and waaay past my curfew.)

About the best friend: I had emailed my best friend of two years to see if I could spend the night with her on Friday, and i begged and pleaded, but she didnt respond until Thursday saying that she couldnt hang out until next weekend. (this is not the first time this has happened.) Well i had had enough and so i sent her a somewhat mean email and i dont know what will happen now...

But today, i went to a bonfire for my semi-best friend from school, and me and my boyfriend were his only friends there for like AN HOUR! then we ended up going to see KickAss at 9:50 which i'm sure will get me in lots of trouble when my mom wakes up in the morning!

Thats about all I have to say right now. I know no one really cares about my stupid family problems, but hey, it feels good to know that maybe someone will read this.

Thanks a Bunch!

Who am I?

So I know that's a stupid question, because how many people actually know who they are? Who you are is based on so many things, like who you want to be, how you act, what your dreams are, who your friends are, what you do, and so many other things.

I used to be a pretty dark person, but since moving 4 years ago, my life has turned around. Yeah I'm only 17, but I know how much I've changed. Horses saved my life, but I'll try to not post about horses the whole time. :) I have a wonderful boyfriend, many pets, and an older sister I'd rather not talk about. ;)

Well I'm not sure what else to talk about right now, so I think I'll end it at that. Thats me in a nutshell. :)